oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Randomize
