dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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