Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I can't turn off my feet"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
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