thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
