The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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