I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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