We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
