After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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