we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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