this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
