Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
