I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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