OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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