i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
