I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
