Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I could make wine with my vomit
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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