News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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