were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
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About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
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It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?