You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
