If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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