i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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