Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
