I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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