you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Someone came in the potted fern
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Congratulations! We have a period
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