I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
