Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
