Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize