I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize