If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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