If i come over, it means nothing
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
