I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
