wat bout pragnant strippers??
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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