i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
