I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
