I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
