Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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