The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
the day after is always just damage control
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Be still, my beating vagina.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
