I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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