you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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