i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
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I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
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Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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