What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
