I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
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