I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Randomize
