is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
