The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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