I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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