I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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