as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
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I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
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I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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