I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
