Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
