yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
