I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
