Your dad touched me again.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
