idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
