just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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