so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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