i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
