he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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