Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
tell me about the fingering
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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