One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
