She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
